Someone You're Afraid To Lose
by amillionreasons
Summary: 6x01 Tag: He realized he'd been holding his breath when his lungs started to burn, screaming for air but Jane found he didn't care. He didn't care about anything at all apart from the fact that he'd just lost her. And with her, everything that was worth living for. And just like that, Janes world fell apart all over again.


**AN: As Daniel Radcliffe once said: "I tried and therefore no one should criticize me."**

**_Someone You're Afraid To Lose_**

_„Sorry Patrick, Teresa can't come to the phone right now. Can I leave a message?"_

Jane knew he should say something. Tell the monster that if he did as much as lay a finger on her, he would regret it. That he would find him and make him pay

double for everything he's done to his family and now Lisbon.

But these words remained unspoken. The realization of what was happening made Jane unable to think straight. For a moment he found himself thrown back

10 years to that fateful night. It felt all the same. The fear, the helplessness, the knowledge that someone he loved got hurt, or even worse… No. Jane had to

stop himself right there. He couldn't dare finishing that thought.

_„No? Well, I'll tell her you called."_

Red Johns creepy pitched voice forced Jane back to reality. „Wait!" he managed to bring out, but a steady beeping tone on the other side of the line told him

that it was too late.

Standing there, hands shaking and fear creeping down his spine, Jane allowed himself a short painful moment to let all the gruseome images flood his mind.

He saw them all, every single one of Red Johns victims, bloody and slaughtered. These pictures haunted him almost every sleepless night, only that this time,

they all showed the face of Lisbon. His beautiful strong Lisbon, who never seemed intimidaded or fearful, no matter how great the danger was.

Of course, this was different. Right now, she was not facing some hot headed and arrogant idiot, who was stupid enough to underestimate her. No, right now,

she was facing Red John. Alone.

Jane was smart enough to know that if Red John wanted her dead, then that's what she would already be right now. But something inside him told him that

she was still alive. She had to be. Every other possibility was beyond what Jane beared to imagine in that moment.

He then forced his mind to work again. Lisbon needed him right now, and he sure would be no big help if he allowed himself to break down. Instead, he shoved

his phone back into his pockets and walked into the bullpen where Grace, Rigsby and Cho were all gathered around a computer.

„Grace, I need you to track Lisbons phone, now." The team looked at him in surprise. Obviously his panicked voice gave him away.

„Why? What happened?" The red head replied and Jane could tell she was already trying to put together what was going on

He wanted to answer but it was almost unbearable to say it out loud. A fresh wave of images came into Janes mind. Lisbons cold lifeless body, blood splattered

across her pale face…

„Jane..?" Chos stoic voice snapped him back into realiy.

„Red John has her." He realized that these were the words he'd dreaded to say the most fort he past ten years. Of course he'd always known that one day it

would come down to this, that one day Red John would make his worst nightmare come true. He'd just always thought that when the moment was there, he'd

be more prepared, that he would know what to do.

But right now, he had to admit he had no idea how he could get her back. And he needed to get her back, that much he knew. He didn't bother trying to tell

himself that he could live without her, that she wasn't the only thing that kept him holding on. He knew that she was and so did Red John. And now he was

using that against him.

„What? What- What you do mean, he has her? What happened to her?" Rigsby asked, voice raised in panic. Jane looked at his collegue, wishing he could offer

an answer, an explanation of some kind. But he couldn't, so he just told the team what happened.

„I tried calling her several times. She didn't pick up. She was furious after our fight but I should've known that something was wrong." And there it was again,

the feeling of guilt. The knowledge that this was happening because of him, because he'd let her go, because he'd been too proud to see the danger she was

in.

„She, uh, called me back. Well, not her. I thought it was her, but…" He didn't finish the sentence, knowing that the team understood anyway.

Before anyone could make any theories, Grace broke the silence. „Lisbon went to 5570 West Huron." She tried to sound calm, professional but Jane knew that

she was just as upset as the rest of them.

„We have to go, call for back-up." Cho said. He was the only one who managed not to let the fear for his boss take over, even though Jane could still see it on

his face.

„Wait" Grace said, frowning. Then her eyes widened in shock. „No need to call for back-up. SacPD are already on their way, Lisbon ordered them there."

„Why?" Rigsby asked confused.

Grace took a moment, apparently trying to make some sense out of whatever she was seeing on her computer screen. „Because…Because Brett Patridge is

there."

Lisbon always complained about Janes driving style, but if she could see the way Cho made his way through Sacramentos rush hour, barely ever taking his foot

from the gas pedal, she would never say a bad word about his driving again.

Jane was sitting on the passenger seat, trying to figure out what was going on. Partridge? Again and again he recalled the conversation he'd had with him just

the other day. If it turned out that Partridge was Red John, then he would never forgive himself for not having stopped him when he'd had the chance. But it

just seemed too easy to be true. Why would he let Lisbon locate him just like that? To lure her? He couldn't have been sure that she would come on her own,

he must've known she would call for back-up. It made no sense. It was too risky. If Partridge was Red John then he would've found a safer way to kidnap

Lisbon.

_Red John. Kidnap Lisbon. _Having these words in one sentence was wrong, so very wrong and he knew that whatever they would find in the abandoned house, he would never stop blaming himself for it.

He was both scared and relieved to see that besides SacPD, there were also a lot of ambulances already parking in front of the address Van Pelt had navigated

them to.

Before he got out off the car, Jane took a moment to make a ridiculous attempt to prepare himself for whatever was awaiting him out there.

He thought about his last conversation with Lisbon, how if it turned out to be their last conversation ever, their last words would've been spoken in anger.

There were so many things that he could've said instead and that he promised himself he would say if they all made it out of this alive. He also promised

himself that this time, he would not deny them afterwards just because he's too scared of the meaning these words might hold.

The anxiety that had settled inside him made it hard to breathe. As he opened the door and started to approach the scene, he realized that he hadn't felt this

anxious in a very long time. The few times anything had come close to this in the past 10 years, it had always been because of her. Seeing her lying on the

ground, a bomb strapped to her body. Hearing her getting shot, while he was on the phone with her and being absolutely unabe to help her. But that was still

nothing compared to the panic he was feeling right now.

He barely even noticed all the officers and agents running around, trying to control the whole situation. All he needed to know was if she was still alive, even

though at the same time he dreaded the answer more than anything.

That's when he saw the rest of the team, talking to one oft he agents, probably trying to get information. But it was not the team that had caught his

attention, it was the ambulance standing only a couple of meters away, or more specifically the body bag that some paramedics were carrying towards it.

Jane was sure that his heart stopped. In fact, everything just seemed to stop. Jane felt like he was losing ground, but he couldn't tell if he was actually

collapsing or if he was just imagening it. The world seemed to disappear around him, all he could see was the body bag and all he could hear was his heart

breaking at the realization of what that body bag meant. He realized he'd been holding his breath when his lungs started to burn, screaming for air but Jane

found he didn't care. He didn't care about anything at all apart from the fact that he'd just lost her. And with her, everything that was worth living for. And just

like that, Janes world fell apart all over again.

It wasn't until a couple of incredibly painful seconds later, that he noticed Grace approaching him. She looked okay, too okay considering she just lost a friend.

„Jane?", she said quietly, but her words didn't reach him. He heard them, yes, but they made no sense. Nothing made any sense at all.

When Grace touched his shoulder lightly, he decided he should at least look at her. Listen to whatever words of comfort she would say. He was expecting

everything, except for the words she actually said then.

„She's okay. She's over there" The red head pointed towards an ambulance behind Jane „They say she couldn't tell what happened but she seems okay, apart

from… Well, you'll see. But Partridge's dead. Red John killed him."

Jane knew that she'd said something after _she's okay_, but he didn't know what. Okay? She's okay? How could she be okay?

„Jane, did you hear me? Partridge is dead." Yes, this time he understood. But right now he didn't care about Partridge or even Red John, he only cared about

the fact that Lisbon was not dead. „Where is she?" he asked. Up until that moment, he'd had no idea it was even possible to feel so much relief. It was like a

weight has been taken off his chest.

„She's with a team of paramedics over there. You should talk to her first." Jane didn't even thank her, even though he took a moment to appreciate that

besides wanting to talk to Lisbon herself, Grace was willing to give them a moment.

He walked around the ambulance Van Pelt had pointed to and he actually had to stop when he saw her. She looked miserable, scared and shocked, but she

was alive and for now that was more than he could ask for. There was some blood on her forehead that one of the paramedics was wiping away, but Jane

couldn't make our where it had come from. Because she seemed okay, at least physically.

She turned her head so the paramedic could wipe off the blood from her right cheek and her eyes met his. It obviously took her a moment to realize he was

standing there but then her expression changed and Jane was certain she'd never looked more beautiful to him.

After a few seconds of just staring at each other, she turned to the paramedic. „Would you give us a moment?" The young man nodded and then there was

just the two of them.

Lisbon stood up, still struggling, but the only thing Jane could see were her eyes. They looked beautiful and alive and they looked like home.

He crossed the last metres with a few large steps and she didn't hesitate one moment to throw herself into his arms. His arms went around her petite body

instantly and he held her so tight he was scared he would bruise her, but if he did, she didn't seem to mind at all.

She buried her face in his shoulder as he rested his chin on her head. He closed his eyes for a second to thank whatever god Lisbon believed in that was still

alive. He opened his eyes again when he realized that Lisbon was slightly shaking in his arms. He pulled away just enough to cup her beautiful face in his

hands. She was crying and at the sight of her tears Jane felt a lump forming in his own throat as well. He quickly pulled her closer again. Certainly, she didn't

need to see him breaking, too. For once, he was the one who needed to be strong for both of them. He still had no idea what had happened inside that house,

what Red John had done to her, but they would care about that later.

For now, feeling her breathing in his arms was enough.


End file.
